I’ve never actually been in quicksand. Although I’ve done some traveling in my day, I stay true to my city girl roots and don’t swap the urban jungle for an actual jungle. So I can’t be sure that what I went through today was quicksand, but man it sure felt like it.
When I woke up this morning my head felt fuzzy. I showered without really thinking about what I was doing (and only shaved one leg! Yikes!). I didn’t have energy to do my hair, so a bun it was. At school I found myself looking for words I knew but could not place. I couldn’t concentrate while reading. Forget grading.
After school I went for a run: 3 miles on leaden legs. Usually I know why I’m slow. A lot of my running game is mental, and I’m being lazy, or it’s the end of a long run and I’m hurting. But today I was swimming. I couldn’t move my legs any faster than they were going, and my lethargy knew no bounds. If the park wasn’t a 3 mile loop I would have quit halfway through. (Full disclosure: I weighed the idea of quitting but realized I was just as far from my car if I turned around than if I kept going so I kept going.)
I grocery shopped. I wandered down aisles without knowing why. I couldn’t name the thing I needed for dinner (eggplant. For eggplant parmesan.). I turned the wrong way out of the parking lot.
At home the baby and I just didn’t connect. Usually she’s all smiles when I come home. Today she frowned and reached away from me. There were no giggles, no smiles.
I struggled through dinner, losing my place several times as I cooked. There’s even water in my ear from my shower, making me feel like I’m underwater.
It was a quicksand kind of day. Maybe it’s because today is Spring Break Eve Eve. Maybe because it’s Wednesday. Maybe because I’m tired. I don’t know why. But it was a quicksand kind of day, and I’m hoping to emerge clearer tomorrow.